A Modern Woman
by Zwei Shonagon
Summary: Modernity still has deep patriarchal roots. For all her privilege, Fllay Allster is a girl-woman shaped by the men in her life.


**Gundam Seed - Fllay Allster** , on Sai and Kira

 **Author's Notes:** In retrospect, Gundam Seed wasn't particularly good. But it was the first mecha anime I ever watched, and I was still young enough not to realize how much of a pussy Kira is. I was, however, old enough to recognize how _boring_ Lacus was. Dear lord, that girl is one-dimensional. Although Fllay was a bitch, at least she was interesting.

* * *

 **An Exercise in Futility**

* * *

Even modern technology can't save Fllay's mother from genetic death; a proclivity for cancer, it was all inevitable probability. And so Fllay knows only one parent.

"My perfect princess," Vice Minister George Allster says absentmindedly in between reading Blue Cosmos pamphlets.

Fllay learns to smile beneath her lashes and raise her eyebrows at the word "Coordinator".

* * *

Fllay genuinely loves Sai.

"Steady boy," her father hums. "He'll take good care of you."

Sai is rich, Sai is smart, and Sai is smooth. He is the perfect amount of charm and genuine dorkiness. If Fllay were more ambitious, more brave, she might have been tempted to dump him just for some spice of life, because how medieval is it to have an arranged marriage? But Fllay is smarter than people give her credit for, and she knows how rare it is to find a boy that not only adores her, but also understands her as well.

"Do you love me?" she asks from time to time.

"Yes."

"How much?"

Sai always replies in the same way. "I love you even though you're vain, a bit petty, and have a vengeful streak wider than the Seine."

"Hey!"

"I'm just telling the truth. It's not necessarily a bad thing." And here he'll hold her hands, solemnly stroke her cheek. "Even if the world ends, I'm sure you'll be okay. You're a survivor."

"Shut up," Fllay will say even as she laughs and laughs.

"What? I find it immensely attractive."

Fllay goes to sleep knowing no matter what foolishness they finds themselves entangled in, they'll end up with dogs, kids, and a beautiful big house overlooking some deep green lawn.

But then the war happens and her father dies. Suddenly, Sai isn't the best-equipped to take care of her. In the army, he is only a small potato. It is Kira, the dorky kid who sat at the back of the class, who is ace and hope of the army.

Fllay swallows her disgust and wraps her claws into the boy. It is almost too easy.

* * *

The worst part of it was, Sai didn't even seem particularly surprised. Sure, he was angry, but he wasn't surprised. He knew what kind of creature she was, what she could do when she was pushed, and so after the initial outburst, he leaves them alone.

"Are you happy?" he asks once.

Fllay opens her mouth to lie, but ends up turning her face away instead.

* * *

Fllay's too Natural to pilot a humanoid robot, but she doesn't need enhanced genes to wield her own body.

"You'll kill them for me," she coos as she presses skin against bare skin. There's something bone-achingly sweet about a gasping, genuine boy. It occurs to Fllay to feel shame and regret, but then the father-killing-bombs burst beneath her eyelids every time she tries to sleep, and so she presses Kira again.

* * *

"I never had feelings for Kira," she swears later. By now she's so far gone, she doesn't even know what the truth is anymore.

"Fllay, " Sai sighs. His voice is disappointment, disgust, and despair all mixed and bastardized into one.

"Don't you love me anymore," Fllay tries to ask, but then there's the gun, and even Sai can't forgive her for everything, not if she does it in front of his bare eyes.

* * *

When there's no one left to turn to—her father is dead, her boys blown up with the Archangel—Fllay finds herself noticing her masked captor.

"You'll take this disc for me," Rau Le Crauset says with an eerie but gentle firmness.

Despite herself, Fllay finds herself bewitched. She ignores the uneasiness pooling in the small of her back, and follows this man who is so strangely self-assured in the face of this fucked-up war.

She has nothing left to lose anyway.

* * *

Against all odds and reports, Archangel flies.

"They're alive," she breathes. "Sai!" she cries out. "Kira!"

The details don't even matter anymore. What matters is there's something real in the world and she just wants to go home.

Hope blossoms fierce moments before Fllay dies. Even as the shuttle splinters, she goes steady.

At least she can stop struggling now.

* * *

 **End.**


End file.
